FECAL FORGERY

Books

I am currently reading:

1. Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore
2. The Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
3. Barbarians, Marauders, and Infidels by Antonio Santosuosso
4. Candide by Voltaire

Next in line are the following:

1. V. by Thomas Pynchon
2. The Metamorphoses by Ovid
3. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
4. Public Enemies by Bryan Burrough

A close friend of mine got me interested in a books about the Civil War and the other issues involved besides slavery, tariffs in particular. I also have a huge collection of books I have owned for a long time and never got around to reading. Half my Palahniuck, a few of my Dashiell Hammett, A biography on both Andrew Jackson as well as Nikola Tesla, some Aristotle, Keirgegaard, and Plato, and a handful of other different things.

The Cotton Eyed Lotus Sutra A La Joe

The Lotus Sutra is a popular mantra of the Mahayana Buddhist sutras. This sutra is chanted daily by Mahayana Buddhist monks. It sounds like this:



Pretty funny right?

This is Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex. A popular Southern mantra chanted daily by redneck hicks.



Almost just as funny right?


Try playing them simultaneously. Did the Buddha jam out to Rednex? Maybe so...

Who Spiked the Nard?

^"1Then Jesus six days before the passover came to Bethany, where Lazarus was, which had been dead, whom he raised from the dead.

²There they made him a supper; and Martha served: but Lazarus was one of them that sat at the table with him.

³Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment."

John 12: 1-3, KJV

I am sure most have heard the story of Mary washing the feet of Jesus with oil, but like all passages of the Bible what did you get out of it? Does this story merely sound nice and any form of meaning fly right over your head completely? What does the oil symbolize? What does the story mean at all?

First I will explain what spikenard is and what it signified in Bible times. Spikenard is a flowering plant that if you crush and distill the underground stems can make rich perfume. Back in Bible times spikenard perfume was very expensive. In fact spikenard could be sold for 300 denarii which was about a years wages. This fact was pointed out by Judas Iscariot after Mary anointed his feet. Judas was the keeper of the money-bag and complained that the money from the perfume could have been used to help out the poor. Judas really didn't care about doing good works but secretly wanted the money for himself; a fact that Jesus knew of plainly. Judas had a history of stealing from the money-bag. But even his excuse, if ethically and morally sound, still wouldn't hold up to Jesus who said, "Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always."

The anointed spikenard oil was the most expensive thing Mary had and she gave it to Jesus. And that's what Christ wants out of all of us.

Your most expensive perfume? NO DUMMY!

The perfume symbolizes so much more.

My favorite verse of this chapter is the last half of the final verse: "...and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment."

Probably because this verse stuck out to me so much that I finally understood what the oil symbolized.

Love. Pure, unconditional love. Mary didn't wash Jesus' feet to kiss his butt. She didn't wash his feet because they stank from walking barefoot all day long. No. Mary washed the feet of Christ because she loved him. Above all other things. Above her expensive perfume. Above the poor. Above the disciples, Lazerus, her family, and friends. Mary loved Jesus above all things and that's what God wants out of us all. Because when you love God above everything else, like odor of the ointment, it fills the room you are in.

Later on Jesus washed the feet of his disciples during the Last Supper. He also had them wash each others' feet. He even washed the feet of Judas Iscariot, who he knew would later betray him.

I don't intend on blogging everything Jesus stood for because he stood for quite a bit. But in a span of two days I can tell you some of the last few things he told his disciples, Mary, and even all of us before he was crucified.

1. Love God above all things. Your most precious love goes to Christ.

2 Love all others, including your enemies. If you think it's hard to love people who have done you wrong think about what Christ went through knowing BEFORE they even did it.

3. Love yourself. This is the hardest one to explain, but note that it is below everyone else including your enemies. There is no greater love than the one shed his blood for his friend. (John 15:13).

But when Christ answered Judas it wasn't just a "IN YO FACE" reply but also a warning from a loving father. Jesus didn't want Judas to do wrong. So obviously he didn't want Judas to want to do wrong either. Because Christ loves us and wants us to do the right thing. And not only does that mean the only way to truly love ones self is to do right but also to be completely selfless.

I told you it is hard to explain. Self worth is a fickle mistress...

So I guess it goes to show that bad love may stink, but true love leaves room filled with the finest of fragrance.

Television

Karl Marx once said that "Religion is the opium of the masses" and suggested that abolishing it would bring us all true happiness.

My friend Michael once theorized that television was our opium.

Perhaps that is a bit extreme, but television has quite a hold on our society. Where else would you learn the facts of life other than from the Facts of Life? Or what it's like as a police officer other than Dragnet? Or black oppression other than the Chapelle Show? Where oh where? *Cough* BOOKS *Cough*

I mean really? What could we learn from F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby that we couldn't learn from the words of Darwin, the talking monkey on the award winning television show The Wild Thornberries? I'll tell you what: NOTHING!

And what could Keats, Hawthorne, or even Plato teach us that MTV cannot? Zilch, I tell you.

Now that my sarcasm has died and needs to be recharged let's get real for a minute.

Test subject 1

I am sitting here with my good friend Trask, asking him a series of questions. He has volunteered to represent society. God help him.

Question 1:
On the show Dexter's Lab, what is Dexter's sister's name?

He answered correctly with Deedee.

Question 2:
Complete this sentence:
"The millionaire, and his wife, the movie star, the professor, and ____"

he answered Gilligan. The correct answer was Mary Anne but he had at least understood the show to which the question was based.

Question 3:
What does TRL stand for, referring to the MTV syndicated show?

he answered correctly with only half a second and an arched eyebrow, "Total Request Live"

Question 4:
Who wrote the Great Gatsby?

He buried his head in his hat for a second and thought about his answer and came up with the right answer.
"Uhhhhh... Fitzgerald."

I congratulated him with a Good job.

Question 5:
Who was out to catch Moby Dick?

"Captain Ahab?"

I was astonished. He thought they were stupid trivia questions. So I decided to up the ante a bit.

Question 6:
On Weeds, what was Nancy Botwin's deceased husband's name?

"It's Biblical..." he proclaimed as he tried to fight for the answer. "IDK Elijah?"

The answer was Jude.

Two incorrect answer so far out of 6 and they were a tv questions.

Question 7:
Can you sing the theme to Fresh Prince?

"No."

"Can you sing some of it?"

"Yes."

"How much of it?"

"Like the first part."

He then second guesses himself and debates whether he could sing it all the way through. He gave it a shot and spat out about 3/4s of the lyrics.

Question 8:
Name two of the four kids off of the show Rocket Power.

He gave three almost instantly. "Otto...Reggie...Squid..." The girl's name left him.

Bonus question: What was Squid's real name? "Sam?" He was correct.

Question 9:
Can you name one John Grisham book that was named off a movie?
"Who?"
How about Michael Crichton?
"Nope."
He wrote a little book called Jurassic Park.
"Oh... nice."

How about Stephen King?

"Dark Tower..."

Can you name one of the volumes?

"Nope... Just saw it in the store."

So you haven't read it?

"No."

He then gave me a little knowledge about Stephanie Meyer and all of the unreleased Twilight stuff.

MOVING ON

Question 10.
Can you explain where the title get's it's meaning in To Kill in a Mockingbird?
He knew of the lesson Atticus taught his children involving killing a mockingbird, but not what the title represented.

So what did that teach us?

I don't know. It taught me that I'm way too cynical. Or maybe just gave away too many easy answers. Or perhaps I am too a product of my environment. I could tell you whether or not Piccolo was a super sayon over the levels of Hell in Dante's Inferno. And I don't even like DBZ.

Television has a hold on our society. There are some restaurants that have plasmas in the bathrooms. Nothing like a golden shower while watching Ashton Kutcher attempt to Punk our Lord Jesus Christ. That guy is always trying to up the ante. Ashton... not Jesus...

And what about how television makes reality even more awkward. Like I can't watch Thriller the same way again. Something about Michael Jackson dancing around like a zombie just bugs me now...

And I love how the only practical use of television is the news which completely biased. Want to know how I know? Because CNN is liberal and FOX is conservative and God forbid they agree on the news which is suppose to be fact and not opinion. I wish they'd stop whitewashing and black sheeping and maybe work together for once. But that's another blog altogether.

Now at this point I reached a wall. Not sure where to go next with this post, I told my friend Elijah it missed something. He answered with "Bitches"

So here you go Elijah.

Your "bitches"


























Now I will take this time to use an episode of a television sitcom to further explain our nation's plight.

"Adios, Johnny Bravo"
Episode 1, Season 5 of The Brady Bunch

When Greg meets a talent agent named Tami Rogers, he is talked into becoming "Johnny Bravo" the next big rock star. With this Greg abandons his family and ambitions to attend college. When he talks to his sister Cindy about it he says, "I'm going to be a big star!" With this Cindy responds, "But a very small person."

Right you are Cindy. Right you are.

Greg finally comes to his senses and says "Adios, Johnny Bravo" when he finds out Tami didn't care about Greg's voice at all. In fact they distorted his voice making it barely sound like him at all. In the end they just wanted a tool. A pretty boy to sport their Johnny Bravo image.

JOHNNY BRAVO WAS A TOOL

Now what does this episode of the Brady Bunch have to do with television's grip on society?
We are Greg. Television is Tami the talent agent. Johnny Bravo is what television makes us all. And the rest of the wacky, wholesome Brady clan are our values.

MAYBE ORWELL HAD IT WRONG!


PERHAPS BIG BROTHER ISN'T WATCHING YOU.

PERHAPS YOU ARE WATCHING BIG BROTHER.


I mean what would come closer to doublethink than our media? If anything could control our thoughts or at least sway us into thinking how they want us to think, the television would be the closest candidate.

So in closing:

Turn off the tv. Read a freaking book. Don't let the media control your mind. DEATH TO VIDEODROME!




Long live the new flesh.

Blog the First

Jack Tripper was a smart fellow, but he really didn't have to fake being a homosexual for so long. With all the gay jokes Mr. Roper and Mr. Furley would make, he could have sued them for sexual harassment and became THEIR landlord. Their... OVERLORD!!!

That was clearly Three's Company talk.
and this is my first blog.

*You're welcome Victoria*