Television

Karl Marx once said that "Religion is the opium of the masses" and suggested that abolishing it would bring us all true happiness.

My friend Michael once theorized that television was our opium.

Perhaps that is a bit extreme, but television has quite a hold on our society. Where else would you learn the facts of life other than from the Facts of Life? Or what it's like as a police officer other than Dragnet? Or black oppression other than the Chapelle Show? Where oh where? *Cough* BOOKS *Cough*

I mean really? What could we learn from F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby that we couldn't learn from the words of Darwin, the talking monkey on the award winning television show The Wild Thornberries? I'll tell you what: NOTHING!

And what could Keats, Hawthorne, or even Plato teach us that MTV cannot? Zilch, I tell you.

Now that my sarcasm has died and needs to be recharged let's get real for a minute.

Test subject 1

I am sitting here with my good friend Trask, asking him a series of questions. He has volunteered to represent society. God help him.

Question 1:
On the show Dexter's Lab, what is Dexter's sister's name?

He answered correctly with Deedee.

Question 2:
Complete this sentence:
"The millionaire, and his wife, the movie star, the professor, and ____"

he answered Gilligan. The correct answer was Mary Anne but he had at least understood the show to which the question was based.

Question 3:
What does TRL stand for, referring to the MTV syndicated show?

he answered correctly with only half a second and an arched eyebrow, "Total Request Live"

Question 4:
Who wrote the Great Gatsby?

He buried his head in his hat for a second and thought about his answer and came up with the right answer.
"Uhhhhh... Fitzgerald."

I congratulated him with a Good job.

Question 5:
Who was out to catch Moby Dick?

"Captain Ahab?"

I was astonished. He thought they were stupid trivia questions. So I decided to up the ante a bit.

Question 6:
On Weeds, what was Nancy Botwin's deceased husband's name?

"It's Biblical..." he proclaimed as he tried to fight for the answer. "IDK Elijah?"

The answer was Jude.

Two incorrect answer so far out of 6 and they were a tv questions.

Question 7:
Can you sing the theme to Fresh Prince?

"No."

"Can you sing some of it?"

"Yes."

"How much of it?"

"Like the first part."

He then second guesses himself and debates whether he could sing it all the way through. He gave it a shot and spat out about 3/4s of the lyrics.

Question 8:
Name two of the four kids off of the show Rocket Power.

He gave three almost instantly. "Otto...Reggie...Squid..." The girl's name left him.

Bonus question: What was Squid's real name? "Sam?" He was correct.

Question 9:
Can you name one John Grisham book that was named off a movie?
"Who?"
How about Michael Crichton?
"Nope."
He wrote a little book called Jurassic Park.
"Oh... nice."

How about Stephen King?

"Dark Tower..."

Can you name one of the volumes?

"Nope... Just saw it in the store."

So you haven't read it?

"No."

He then gave me a little knowledge about Stephanie Meyer and all of the unreleased Twilight stuff.

MOVING ON

Question 10.
Can you explain where the title get's it's meaning in To Kill in a Mockingbird?
He knew of the lesson Atticus taught his children involving killing a mockingbird, but not what the title represented.

So what did that teach us?

I don't know. It taught me that I'm way too cynical. Or maybe just gave away too many easy answers. Or perhaps I am too a product of my environment. I could tell you whether or not Piccolo was a super sayon over the levels of Hell in Dante's Inferno. And I don't even like DBZ.

Television has a hold on our society. There are some restaurants that have plasmas in the bathrooms. Nothing like a golden shower while watching Ashton Kutcher attempt to Punk our Lord Jesus Christ. That guy is always trying to up the ante. Ashton... not Jesus...

And what about how television makes reality even more awkward. Like I can't watch Thriller the same way again. Something about Michael Jackson dancing around like a zombie just bugs me now...

And I love how the only practical use of television is the news which completely biased. Want to know how I know? Because CNN is liberal and FOX is conservative and God forbid they agree on the news which is suppose to be fact and not opinion. I wish they'd stop whitewashing and black sheeping and maybe work together for once. But that's another blog altogether.

Now at this point I reached a wall. Not sure where to go next with this post, I told my friend Elijah it missed something. He answered with "Bitches"

So here you go Elijah.

Your "bitches"


























Now I will take this time to use an episode of a television sitcom to further explain our nation's plight.

"Adios, Johnny Bravo"
Episode 1, Season 5 of The Brady Bunch

When Greg meets a talent agent named Tami Rogers, he is talked into becoming "Johnny Bravo" the next big rock star. With this Greg abandons his family and ambitions to attend college. When he talks to his sister Cindy about it he says, "I'm going to be a big star!" With this Cindy responds, "But a very small person."

Right you are Cindy. Right you are.

Greg finally comes to his senses and says "Adios, Johnny Bravo" when he finds out Tami didn't care about Greg's voice at all. In fact they distorted his voice making it barely sound like him at all. In the end they just wanted a tool. A pretty boy to sport their Johnny Bravo image.

JOHNNY BRAVO WAS A TOOL

Now what does this episode of the Brady Bunch have to do with television's grip on society?
We are Greg. Television is Tami the talent agent. Johnny Bravo is what television makes us all. And the rest of the wacky, wholesome Brady clan are our values.

MAYBE ORWELL HAD IT WRONG!


PERHAPS BIG BROTHER ISN'T WATCHING YOU.

PERHAPS YOU ARE WATCHING BIG BROTHER.


I mean what would come closer to doublethink than our media? If anything could control our thoughts or at least sway us into thinking how they want us to think, the television would be the closest candidate.

So in closing:

Turn off the tv. Read a freaking book. Don't let the media control your mind. DEATH TO VIDEODROME!




Long live the new flesh.